The Boob Thief

I have rotten luck...seriously I do.  Before you have a surgery or procedure or chemo or whatever they always tell you a bunch of things that "might" happen.  They then tell you that those things do not happen very often.  I am the girl that these things happen to.  I am the  0.1 %.
Here are some of them:
- bilateral pulmonary embolism from my port or chemo (not sure which one...I am a mystery or so says my oncologist)
- SVT and heart problems from chemo
- Expander infected and needed to be swapped out, giving me an extra surgery and more time as the one boob wonder....also getting MRSA
- I kept getting holes in my boobs that would leak for months
- my drain sites would get infected and painful
- some of my drain sites would NOT heal
AND now my latest and greatest set back......

 I will call this fun story in my life, "The Boob Thief".

So I went in for a routine check-up with my plastic surgeon's PA on Tuesday (my plastic surgeon just had a baby and is on maternity leave).  The day before I had noticed a little scab/sore on my scar line on my right breast that was leaking a tiny bit.  I thought, oh great another leaky boob....but no big deal, been there done that.  I was thankful I had an appointment the next day, but I thought it was seriously, NOT a big deal at all. Jason the PA took the bandage off the wound and  he got the saddest/upset face I had ever seen (he is a super friendly, happy guy)...He couldn't even speak for a minute (probably only 20 seconds, but it seemed like forever---like time was frozen)...He told me the thing I though was a scab was actually my implant.  It was exposed and MUST come out.

SERIOUSLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!???????????????????????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Then it got even better....He got a mirror to show me the problem.  Just since the morning my scar was all stretched out and the hole was WAY BIGGER....crazy how much change had happened in 4 hours.  He told me that it would get worse.  He also told me to call or go to the er if I thought it was bad enough that my implant was going to fall out....really?  Implants fall out??? Apparently, they do.   I asked why this was happening and he said it was most likely and infection and my DUMB, STUPID luck.  Then, he dropped the most special news on me.....The implant was going out and most likely NOT being replaced for 3 months.  I would be the ONE BOOB WONDER again.

I had just started feeling better again...My boobs were healing and not hurting as much.....I had just bought my first new swimsuit that would fit my new small perky boobs two hours earlier as a early birthday present to myself....I was planning a fun sit by the pool and drink fruity drinks trip to San Diego with my sister in the beginning of May.....I was moving on with my life, with my new cancer-free body. (my MRI scan two weeks ago was clear of cancer....pretty rad)

Next, he took some pictures to show the surgeon because all of the surgeons were in surgery at the time.  He told me I most likely would have surgery within the next week....but hopefully Friday.  He told me he would get back with me in a few hours after talking with the surgeon.

So I started driving home, had a good little cry in the car, and 30 minutes later the scheduler called me and told me the surgeon said I must have surgery right away and he was going to squeeze me into his surgery schedule for tomorrow!!  WOW!!!  TOMORROW...Wednesday....yikes.

So we got our lives rearranged, got grandma to come, (thank you...thank you..thank you - she has saved us so many times), and headed out for surgery the next day.

I went to the surgical center down the hill from OHSU....oh man it was plush when compared to the hospital. I met with my new surgeon for the first time and he said there was a 99% chance a low-grade festering infection was causing this.  He said he could put a new implant in today, BUT I would be back in two months with the same problem.  They must take the implant out, put a drain in, collapse the space, and KILL, KILL, KILL the nasty microorganisms that are causing this.    Then in three months I will have surgery again to put an expander in......WAIT!!  SHUT UP!!!  STOP!!!  Expander, not implant??????   I have to do an expander again??  I had been trying to come to terms with my new reality of being lopsided until June....but now he is telling me it might be longer....oh crap.  He told me they "might" be able to put an implant in, but the more common scenario was an expander....inflate the space over a few months, then another surgery to put a new implant in.  This means THREE bonus surgeries.

STUPID BOOBS...STUPID BOOBS...STUPID BOOBS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Why do I care???  But, I do care..... I have so many deformed and crippled things about me that I have no control over...This problem can be fixed and I want them fixed.  I know lots of women that have chosen to not do reconstructive surgery and I totally respect this choice, but that choice is not for me.  I want boobs....even if I have to deal with all this garbage and set-backs. 

At this rate this ordeal that they said usually lasts a year will last over 2 years for me....

This surgery that happened yesterday is surgery #18 for me.  It is the 6th surgery since this ordeal began in August 2012.

So the surgery went well. He said the tissue surrounding the implant was VERY infected and that we had made the right choice taking the implant out and not replacing it.  He stole my boob.  The surgery was only about 20-30 minutes long with little to no time in recovery because they just used heavy sedation instead of anesthesia.  It was pretty cool.  I have little to no pain....but I have a drain.  If you are a regular reader of my blog you know my feelings on drains.  I HATE THEM WITH ALL MY HEART....THEY ARE THE DEVIL.

They sent me home...I stopped and got a ginourmous veggie burrito from Chipolte on the way home (so strange being able to eat right after surgery and not feel sick).  Even though I am not in pain, I am supposed to take it easy, rest and relax until the drain comes out.  

Last night as I changed into my pjs and was emptying my drain I snuck a peek at my deflated boob.  It LITERALLY looks like a deflated balloon. It looks simply awfuland super deformed. It makes me incredibly sad. I haven't changed or taken a shower today because I do not want to see my deflated chest again.  I look down at my body right now and I feel a sense of loss. I do NOT want to deal with this, but I must.  I am trying to be positive, but I am allowing myself to mourn my set-back a little.

So this morning I was on facebook checking things out when I was reminded once again that my problems are small and I need to chill out.

- 1.2 billion people on earth live in extreme poverty

- 2.6 million children die every year due to hunger related causes

- 8 million people die each year from cancer

- There are people dealing with war, death, hunger, rape, human trafficking, paralysis, terminal diseases, childhood cancer, depression, loneliness, homelessness, etc....etc.... in this world.  I am blessed.  My problems are small.  I am grateful for my life and all the good things in my life.

So here I am...THE ONE BOOB WONDER again....I promise to get back to my positive self as soon as possible.  I do have to point out that since I had a reduction on my left breast I am not as lopsided as last time...so it will not be so awkward or difficult.  That is a positive in this storm of negativity.
 Also in 6 days I will be 43 years young.  Last year for my birthday I got chemo, this year I get a deflated boob and a drain.  Happy birthday to ME!!!
Until then, I am accepting gifts of chocolate  for my birthday or just because you love me :)

P.S.  ******I also want to point out that my husband needs to start saving $$ to take me on a Hawaiian or other tropical island trip once all this garbage is over and done with.  I want to lay on a beach and drink fruity drinks with my small perky boobs that I will get someday...