FUNK

I had my last major reconstruction surgery on my breasts 6 weeks ago.  The surgery went well and I am the proud owner of 2 NORMAL sized breasts.  There are still a few minor adjustments to make and a few things that aren't going normally, but HELLO my ridiculously big boobs are OLD NEWS...GONE...DEAD!!!  I know, some of you think I am weird (Look how many people go under the knife for bigger boobs), but if you have ginourmous boobs you can understand my joy that they are gone. I don't even need to wear a bra......so AWESOME!!! I look SO MUCH THINNER...I  look long and lean and lovely (I know I am conceited..but I can't help it if I am beautiful....ha..ha..ha).  So you would think, "Wow, Gina I bet life is grand now."
That is my problem and I have to keep it real.....I have been in a major FUNK.  It took so much longer to recover from this surgery than I thought it would.  I remember the 1st few days I wouldn't leave my bed or move for fear of it hurting too much.  I have had way more painful surgeries, but it seems that as soon as one pain stops a new one develops.  I know this is normal, but I want to be done with the pain.  It isn't severe pain anymore, but it is enough to make me grumpy and on edge.
I was so blessed that my mom came out to take over mommy duties for me for 5 weeks.  I thought I only needed her for a couple of weeks...boy was I wrong.  She saved me.  She loved my kids, made yummy food, put up with my grumpy self, kept my home spic n' span, and cleaned out and organized all our closets and drawers.....and so much more.  She is wonderful, I love her.
So I am blessed, I know this....BUT....I still feel frustrated and sad.  I know some of it is seasonal blues (it is gray and rainy where I live ALL THE TIME), but I have been pondering a LOT and I think my funk is due to these THREE things:
1.  I keep getting sick....seriously it is ridiculous.  All the nasty bugs seek me out.
2.  I have been BEAT down for a YEAR and a HALF and I really do feel weak; both mentally, physically, and spirtually.  I have had so much CRAP happen that I am just so tired and exhausted and a little angry.
3.  I feel like I don't have the strength to get my strength back.  I am so weak.  My physical strength is ZERO...actually negative 1000.  This is the lowest point I have ever been in my life as far as physical strength and fitness. I have been forced to lay around so much that my muscles are so atrophied. Then you add the fact that I also have severe arthritis and scolosis into the mix and I am in a world of hurt.  So as my pain from my surgeries subsides and I slowly try to do some housework or be more active, I am in severe pain due to my stupid back and hip.  Seriously, it is awful.  Yesterday afternoon I went grocery shopping and cooked a very simple dinner.  When dinner was complete I could barely walk and I proceeded to lay on the floor to cry, feel sorry for myself and to try to straighten out my back.  I get completely out of breath going up or down the stairs in my home.  I am constantly having hot flashes and a racing heart....oh my.  What I am trying to say is...it is going to be hard enough to get my strength back without my arthritis and other medical ailments messing everything up.

So I have been laying around, depressed, feeling sorry for myself, being grumpy, being weak.  Basically, being the kind of person I DO NOT LIKE.  I hate complainers....seriously, I do.  I have turned into the type of person I think is ridiculous.  Oh boo-hoo, I have problems....everybody feel sorry for me, my life is sooooo hard.   <---- lame="" p="">

I am to this point.

SO WHAT AM I GOING TO DO ABOUT IT?

I think I am finally ready to do something about it

1.  First of all, I need to remember HELLO....You beat cancer AGAIN!! That is amazing and I need to remember I am one of the lucky ones.

2.  I need to remember all my advice from my graduation speech I gave last June.  

SEE SUMMARY BELOW

****REMEMBER THE KEYS TO AWESOMENESS:

1.       Learn to love yourself – You are made of 100% pure awesomeness – Be yourself, It’s awesome.

2.       Choose your attitude – When I get sad, I stop being sad and be awesome instead

3.       YOU CAN DO HARD THINGS….this is what awesome looks like

4.       GIVE BACK – Kindness matters.  Fill other people’s buckets full of awesome sauce

So in the wise words from someone on the internet, remember “Anyone can be cool, but awesome takes practice”

You have to practice these things…… You don’t become awesome overnight.  You will make MANY mistakes and have oh so many setbacks.

But, as you practice these things you will truly be full of awesomeness…..You will radiate Awesomeness…..People will want to be around you  - you will be a force for all that is good in this world….and that is what I want for you more than anything.

OH MY GOODNESS....if I gave this speech and truly believe what I said what in the world am I doing???  I want to go back to being full of awesomeness.  I want to radiate awesomeness again.

I am just having a really BIG set-back.  I need to get back on track.

So starting today I am taking some small steps to reclaiming my life and my body.  I need to...I have to..I want to.  Even though it is going to be so very tough and painful.  It will be worth it....right?

I put the things I am going to do here on the internet to try to hold me more accountable.

So here is my small plan (baby steps):

- Make a doctor's appointment - start physical therapy

- Go on a walk every day, rain or shine

- Focus on my kids...be their mom again...have fun with them...be present

- Do something I enjoy every day 

- Get at least 7-8 hours of sleep each day
-make healthier food choices

- Choose a good attitude
- Push myself, but DO NOT overdo it!!!

Wish me luck...

Love, 

The Two Boob Wonder (no more One Boob Wonder or 1.5 Boob Wonder)