Ahhhhh. Tomorrow I meet with my oncologist to get the results from my PET Scan and Brain MRI. I am a little nervous, but not too bad. I think I am too tired to be nervous. Since Tuesday night (night before my scans) I have gotten a total of maybe 4-5 hours of sleep and here it is Thursday evening - 9 pm. So let's just say this post is gonna be short one. ME SO TIRED!!!!
My appointment is in the morning and Corey (my husband) is going with me. I am HOPING that the cancer has not spread or gotten worse. I am praying for it to have stabilized or even shrunk a little. Stage 4 breast cancer patients do not have their cancer go away. I am going to die from this....the question is how long until I do. How long can all the poisons they are pumping in me hold off this nasty disease. Some people can live years holding it off just enough to stay alive, yet others only get months. So far I have been given 9 months.
My husband and I have VERY different opinions on how this should play out. He thinks that I will die soon. He is actually surprised that I am still alive. He does not want me to suffer at all anymore. He doesn't like it that I keep choosing to do treatment. He thinks I am just delaying the inevitable. That I am just prolonging the suffering. He hates that I am suffering and he hates the loss of control.
I - on the other hand think that I should keep getting treatment (as long as it is still working) because I want to stay here with my family as long as possible. Yes, I am sick and in pain - BUT it is not unbearable (well sometimes it is). I believe that I will be able to know when to stop treatment and focus on quality of life. Corey thinks I will do treatment until I basically kill myself and have zero quality of life left. Well....I guess we will just have to wait and see. Ultimately it is up to me. I will take into consideration my family's wishes, but this is my life. I just can't bear to think about not raising my kids. They need me and I need them.
So say a little prayer tonight or send me some sweet vibes that I will get at least good enough news that something is working. That something is keeping the devil cancer from killing me.
Peace out!
The one boob wonder (old nickname).....I am now the ......................???????????????????
nickname "the badass gina aldridge" because that's what you are. brave, strong, awesome lady. i am sending you good thoughts!!!
ReplyDelete....the inspiration for many...
ReplyDelete....the person who says what other people are too afraid to talk about...
....the mom who puts her kids before her pain....
I can go on :)