But, I find this year I have quite a different attitude. Don't get me wrong. I miss him terribly.
This year I understand my dad a bit more. I am in his shoes now. This is my last Father's day. I will not get another Mother's Day. Heck, I am not sure I will make it to my daughter's 12 birthday on September 19th.
So here I am reflecting on the fact that these important (to me) holidays are over and this gets me weepy. No more fun, family traditions. BUT, now I realize that I will be seeing some of my very favorite people soon. My dad, grandpa & grandma Jolley, granny, Aunt Trish, etc.....etc.....I PRAY that these relatives and other friends and relatives will be there to greet me because I am going to be one BIG HOT MESS. Everyone thinks I am so strong.. Boy, are they wrong. I have no choice. Either keep it together or fall apart. Falling apart doesn't do anyone any good. For some reason my Heavenly Father has decided I am more needed in heaven than on earth. WHY!! WHY!! WHY?? Honestly I am still angry about it, but I hope to be able to understand the purpose someday.
Last night I had a really bad night of pain. We finally got it under control. But, this meant in the morning I had a MAJOR medication hangover. I could not keep my eyes open. I was hoping to write this post last night, but I failed. Oh, well. Blame it on the Stage 1V :) That is one good thing about cancer. When you totally flake or fail at something you have a pretty good reason.
So since this is my last Father's Day I am going to post a bunch of pics of one of the greatest men EVER!!!!
Today I took the kids to the new shaved ice place (finally it is open) and it was delicious!!! Kinda a mellow excursion, but it was fun. We also met our friends Rebecca and Leah there.
So great to see pictures of your dad, he was awesome!! I know he would be so proud of the loving wife, mother, sister, daughter, niece, person you have become. It will be a glorious reunion!
ReplyDeleteI always hope that when it is my time, I will be dignified and "keep it together" as you say. I am sorry you are going through this. I would say that you have every right to be angry. It is not fair. May your father on earth and in heaven heal your heart and bless your family. God bless you Gina!
ReplyDeleteI have to admit... I'm angry that you're being called home too early. I can't imagine what you're going through and I wish I could make it all go away... Not sure if you know but I lost an older sister to cancer when I was 8... She was 16... I freaking HATE cancer. The only thing that finally gave me peace about her death was the realization that families can be forever and that I could see her again... I didn't join the church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints until I was 26... So to cancer I at screw you! In the end we will all be together again, so give up cancer... You don't win in the end.
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