Nails, Jeans, Mustard Seed, & Blood, Oh My!

Didn't get much sleep last night.  I would watch some Criminal Minds, doze off and then watch some Gilmore Girls, and then doze off again.  It was pretty ridiculous.  My insomnia I get from all the weird collection of meds I am on with my Stage IV cancer meds is driving me crazy.  I finally decided to get up off my butt and put on some super rad Jamberry nails from my serious Jamberry addiction.  Have any of you seen my collection?????  It is kinda embarrassing.  Well, not really embarrassing, I don't get embarrassed, but it is definitely out of control.  I loved how it turned out. 

I love Bohemian style!!!

Remember how I blabbed on how I need someone to take Carlie jean shopping.  Well, I figured we would give it a whirl.  So I let Carlie pick a lunch place  - Mustard Seed Asian Cafe.  This is the 2nd time I have let someone talk me into this place and I just do NOT get it.  NOT BUENO!  Does anyone actually think this is good Asian Bistro?  Seriously try to convince me - I JUST DON'T GET IT!  Anyways, Carlie loves it because she love Shrimp Pad Thai.   

See that happy face...can't resist it!

First of all, I am sorry MOM!!!  Jean shopping for a grumpy, moody, LONG-legged (seriously my inseam didn't even exist back when I was a teenager - I am not joking or exaggeration) SUCKS!!!  And then I expected her to hand me everything off the hanger and them put it back on.  

WOW - spoiled to the extreme.  But, in my head I am thinking anything that gets us through this experience any faster is worth it to me.  Then it is even worse, I get to the point that I don't care what the price is as long as we find something.  

Well, she is a lucky girl and got her "first" expensive jeans and jeans capris.  I hope she appreciates this....she probably doesn't (but I do he...he....he....he....)  I am so twisted.  So after we got that far I was SO TIRED and in way too much pain we had to leave.  Thank goodness Corey's mom was there to chauffeur us around or we would have NEVER made it.  And to end the madness I bought her a Orange Julius because for some crazy reason I thought her behavior was pretty fantastic.  I am a bad mom.  So progress made OR just one huge step backward for young teens everywhere....not sure.

    By the time we got home I couldn't walk.  This seems stupid since I was in a wheelchair the whole time.  This also worries me.  Please pray for me, I seem to be going downhill faster than I thought I would.  

I crawled immediately into bed and had my husband help me with my StoryCorps Program.  I told 40 minutes of stories from my childhood and I guess it was successful because he told me he had not heard A LOT of them before....so cool dat!  

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Time for me to be gross again.  I haven't done that in

awhile, I know you have missed it.  I was kind to the newbies andidn't post the tampon nose or the blood that had dripped all over the bathroom.

Then I proceeded to have an hour bloody nose that ended up needing a tampon.  Man the tampon trick really work.
I am now so tired and frustrated and sad and worried and anxious about the downfall of my body I am just going to have to finish the post tomorrow.  I just can't finish.  I am going to be a quitter.

Love you my peeps!!
- Gina the sometimes not so awesome but forced into quitting girl

*** Got up this morning way to early and I am now torturing my children with very normal chores.  You would think I was the most evil mom in the world...oh well...maybe I am.  But, I really am trying to not leave bratty children behind that the rest of the world would have to endure and put up with.  So, you are welcome.

Hospice Help!

I have had the worst sleeplessness ever since I got home from San Diego a week ago.  I just keep blaming it on overdoing it, but it still wasn't going away after a week.  Today two of my favorite hospice ladies came over to help me problem solve.  So we changed some medications strengths  and times I am taking them.  Wish me luck.  I literally have been asleep the past week and it is getting really old, really fast.  I have things I need and want to do.  I am really afraid I am running out of time.
I need to:
 - Record all my Story Corps (stories of my life)
 - Create, arrange, buy presents for my kids and husband in the future
 - Make a list of the songs that will go along with my slideshow that will be shown at my wake
 - Pick my funeral songs
 - Final Honey-Do List :)
 - Finish a few ideas I want done at my funeral

  It is so weird to help plan your own funeral!!!!!!!  We have bought our burial plot and designed the headstone.  I think my hubby ordered my casket online (i need to check this out and give approval).  I want a cheap one, but not so cheap I look like a hillbilly.  

  BUT, then here is the most important thing.  I really want to accomplish the above list BUT,BUT,BUT,BUT.......I MUST spend as much quality time with the family as possible too.  So trying to balance this when you are super sleepy has been a big challenge.  
  We are meeting up with my sister Michelle & Ed and their 6 kids AND my brother Scott and Mitchell and their 5 kids AND my mom AND Corey's mom next Monday.  (Lance's family will be missing and I am not too happy about that) We rented a really cool cabin Monday-Thursday up in Kalispell, Whitefish, and Glacier National Park.  Hopefully my strength will hold out for us to create some fabulous memories in one of the most beautiful places on earth.  Tonight Corey & I decided that was too short of a trip so we booked a hotel room in Whitefish starting a few days earlier so we can have some mellow family time before it gets too crazy.  
   I just don't know how I can survive without my family.  How does one do that?  I don't think I can.  Then I get selfish and think how can they do it without me?  We think Carlie is going through another growth spurt (she is 11 and is 6'0"), She is now growing again....aaaaargh!  She needs her mommy to take her shopping, especially for jeans.  I am frightened what her dad will pick out.  It is hard enough to buy cool, age-appropriate, somewhat modest clothing for a girl that age, BUT an awkward 6 foot plus size 13 women shoe girl......OH MY GOODNESS!!!!!!!!  Who is going to help my kiddos navigate making friends and making good choices in these friends.  Don't get me wrong Corey is an excellent parent, BUT being a mommy and daddy and a recent widow has got to be an insanely hard thing to do.
Well, it is getting super late and I must get a little sleep and take some more pain meds.  Thanks for listening to my little feel sorry for myself rant.
Love you my peeps,
Gina the Awesome

San Diego - Let the Fun Begin

I took at least one million pictures on our San Diego trip.   Instead of dumping them all here in the blog post (that would) take FOREVER!!!  I am going to drop them in an app I really like call Moments.  I will also try to put a few hundred favorites :) of them right here in Facebook for the electronically challenged.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                        This would be a very, large post.  I am going to break it up over the next several days.  I had such a wonderful time San Diego even though we had some yucky setbacks.
   My sister somehow arranged for us to get a beautiful room at the Hotel Del Coronado that walked directly out onto the glorious beach.  This girl spared no expensive.  She did get my sister in law Mitchell and her dad Ernie (the smoozers of all smoozers) to call down to the hotel to see if we could get even a better deal by playing the cancer card. It was pretty amazing. So now we got much better rooms for less cost than the cheaper rooms would have been.  AND we now had the head of security and personal on our side checkin in on us.                                                                                                                                                                    
  We did decide to go to San Diego that day(booked on Thursday - left on Sunday, came back on Thursday.  It was a fast a furious trip.  We were able to get two of my sister-in-laws to come with us too.  Mitchell drove in from Arizona (long story: air conditioner broke, spent 5 hours in Yuma, AZ (arm-pit of AZ) getting it fixed by Pep Boys (or so we though so)**************AVOID THIS CHAIN AT ALL COSTS!!!!  Pep Boys, Mini, Moe, and SUCK. They lie, cheat, and steal, and then ultimately don't fix a thing.  Seriously, no joke.  Pep Boys is a joke.  Kim was a little more lucky in her travel plans she found a pretty decent last plane ticket and came up a day early to hang out with her friend.  Michelle and I used Ed's mileage (that man flies A LOT) and landed in San Diego Sunday morning.  We were so lucky that my cousin Brad, his wife Katie, and their new baby boy,Walter came to pick us up from the airport and then took us out to crepes for brunch- Brad's treat.  How awesome!  They took us to the hotel to get settled in.  I was only 10 am so the rooms we wanted were not ready so the hotel staff set us up in a room to hang out in and eat while we waited for a more suitable room.  It was so nice and thoughtful, because I was exhausted and my feet and ankles were totally swollen and needed to be elevated. This trip was VERY last minute which made it even more expensive.   I can't believe that my sister made it happen.  I always dreamt of staying in this historical hotel.
   While we rested and waited for Kim and Mitchell we made some plans to meet up for dinner with my old college roommate Joanna Brooks at a local Mexican food place.  Not only was I stoked to get real Mexican food (it doesn't exist in Montana).  But, I was going to see one of all time best friends. :)
While we were waiting we decided to go get some ice cream at the hotel's cute little shop.  YIKES!!  I expected it to be expensive, but holy cow.  I tried a bunch of ice cream flavors and they were all BLAH.  Then I tried the pineapple sorbet....it was decent., so One TINY cup of sorbet (seriously about 5 bites) costs 8 bucks.  Let's just say I found better places on my trip to get my ice cream fix...for sure after that.
   Finally, our rooms were ready.  We had a choice of a 4th floor Jr. penthouse suite in the original part of the hotel OR a room on the back of the hotel that you literally walked out your back porch on to the boardwalk and beach.  Guess which one this beach bum picked.  That beach air was thrilling.  I am to the point in my body deterioration that I CAN'T go very far without wheelchair.  It is so pitiful and I can but only walk for or short distances with my cane. 
   After Kim and Mitchell (FINALLY) showed up we had Joaanna pick us and take us to a super fun mexi place across the street.  It was super yummy and vibrant and I totally pigged out.  The best part probably is she brought her 10 and 12 year daughters with their with their beautiful freckled faces, jokes, singing, and dancing.  They were glorious. They were definitently the life the party. So hilarious.  I insistently feel in love with them.  After laughing so hard and eating too much we made out was back to the hotel room. What a fun night - THANK YOU Brooks GALS!!!!!!!!
Peace Out!!!!
Gina the Awesome

We are BACK!!!! Oh San Diego, you are Magical!

I got back Thursday, June 30th around 3-ish from San Diego and I am EXHAUSTED beyond belief.  Lots to blog....good and bad.  I promise I will start tomorrow and try to get it all published by tomorrow night.  Thank goodness I have a sister that did a bunch of Instagram and Facebook posts so you were not in the complete dark.  But, overall I am a blessed girl with amazing family, friends, and no joke total strangers that worked so hard to make this a magical experience for this sad and more and more anxious cancer patient.  Let's just say that Ativan (anti-anxiety med) has become my friend.  No matter what your belief system is.  Dying is scary.  I am scared.  I really, truly am.