Happy Father's Day...See ya Soon

 I usually hate Father's Day. I haven't liked it since 1997.  I had one of the best dad's possible and he was taken early from us by the devil cancer - melanoma (a particularly nasty one).  This cancer just absolutely horrifying.
But, I find this year I have quite a different attitude.  Don't get me wrong.  I miss him terribly.   
This year I understand my dad a bit more.   I am in his shoes now.  This is my last Father's day.  I will not get another Mother's Day.  Heck, I am not sure I will make it to my daughter's 12 birthday on September 19th.
  So here I am reflecting on the fact that these important (to me) holidays are over and this gets me weepy.  No more fun, family traditions.  BUT, now I realize that I will be seeing some of my very favorite people soon.  My dad, grandpa & grandma Jolley, granny, Aunt Trish, etc.....etc.....I PRAY that these relatives and other friends and relatives will be there to greet me because I am going to be one BIG HOT MESS.  Everyone thinks I am so strong.. Boy, are they wrong.  I have no choice.  Either keep it together or fall apart.  Falling apart doesn't do anyone any good.  For some reason my Heavenly Father has decided I am more needed in heaven than on earth.  WHY!!  WHY!!   WHY??    Honestly I am still angry about it, but I hope to be able to understand the purpose someday.   

Last night I had a really bad night of pain.  We finally got it under control.  But, this meant in the morning I had a MAJOR medication hangover.  I could not keep my eyes open.  I was hoping to write this post last night, but I failed.  Oh, well.  Blame it on the Stage 1V :)  That is one good thing about cancer.  When you totally flake or fail at something you have a pretty good reason.

So since this is my last Father's Day I am going to post a bunch of pics of one of the greatest men EVER!!!!

 

                                             
Today I took the kids to the new shaved ice place (finally it is open) and it was delicious!!!  Kinda a mellow excursion, but it was fun.  We also met our friends Rebecca and Leah there.

My Dad, My Aunt, and Cancer Lessons Learned

 I miss my dad every single day.   STUPID - NASTY cancer (melanoma) took my dad from us way too soon.  He was only 51.  I was 26.   I had to find a picture of Berkeley's grandmas and grandpas today for a school project and found these pictures.  LOVE these pictures.....they show totally different things about my dad to me.  The top pic he is wearing his favorite fishing hat up at Slide Rock in Arizona.  My dad loved being outdoors, fishing, and going on adventures with his family.  You can also see the twinkle in his eye.

This picture shows the rugged, tough cowboy side.  My dad was born and raised on a ranch in Wyoming.  I was born and raised on cattle ranches in Arizona.

 This picture melts my heart.  This shows the love he had for family.  You can feel it when you look at his face.  This is his younger sister Tricia.  She also died from STUPID cancer (multiple myeloma) seven years after my dad died.  My aunt Tricia was a beautiful, loving, FUN, TOUGH and talented woman.

  I am still bitter about my dad's death in some ways, have made peace in other ways...........

Not really the point of my blog post.  

Since I have been battling for the 2nd time I have thought a lot about my dad and Aunt Tricia's battles with cancer.  I see them through different eyes.  My cancer prognosis is much better than theirs.  I have not had to deal with all my doctors telling me that I will die soon and there is nothing left to do.   I will recover.  But, I do see them in a different light....they are even more important to me than before.  They are even more AWESOME to me than before....if that is even possible.

  BUT, I understand a tiny bit more how difficult and excruciating their battles were.  They fought a HUGE  battle of physical, spiritual, and emotional pain.  They are truly my heroes.  They really have saved me from myself (another long story).  When I think the pain or loneliness of cancer is too much I think of them.  If they could keep fighting in MUCH more DIFFICULT circumstances, so could I.  I say a little prayer and feel grateful that my battle is a less difficult one.  I still have years to live with my family.  I don't have to tell my kids I am dying and say goodbye.  Now that I am a parent this breaks my heart on a whole new level.

So enjoy these pictures of two of the most important and influential people in my life.

THEN take some advice from a woman starting to come out of a 4 month chemo fog.....

 #1: Go hug your loved ones and tell them that you LOVE them 

and you are GRATEFUL they are in your life.  Life is short and unpredictable

#2:  Thank the Lord for your blessings.....trust me even when life seems to be hard - it could be WAY worse.  Complain a little less...recognize the good a little more.

#3:  Reach out to someone going through a difficult situation.  Give them some act of service, a gift of cheer, a note of encouragement, or a big hug.  Do something.....people going through truly tough times usually will not ask for your help or attention, but they NEED it and love it when they receive it.  I have learned this lesson the hard way.  

 JUST DO IT!!!!