THIS IS IT

I got my test results yesterday.  I was going to post yesterday, but I just couldn't bring myself to do it.   So here it is.  I just can't bear to leave anyone in suspense for one more minute.

The results were as bad as they could get...pretty much.  I could give you lots and lots of details (and I probably will over the next few days), but I think these two pictures sum it up better than anything and might be as much as I can emotionally give at this moment.

APRIL 2016                                                         JUNE 2016











         





All the dark spots are METS (tumors).  The darker the spot the more intense the tumor.  You can ignore the brain, bladder, and kidneys (they will show up as black spots no matter what).

The cancer has grown so rapidly and there are so many HUGE tumors that let's just say the end is near.  Look at the GINORMOUS tumor at the base of my skull.  2 days after I had a surgical procedure on my heart - an SVT ablation (June 4th) my chin went numb and has stayed numb.  This is why my doctor also ordered a brain MRI.  She thinks that tumor at the base of my skull caused the numbness.  I guess one piece of good news is the cancer has NOT spread to my brain yet.  At least I have that!  This is where it likes to go after it has invaded your liver and lungs.  As you can see my liver is more tumor than liver.  Looking at these scans does help my understand some of the ridiculous pain I have been in the past month or two.  I get such bad pain in my arms and legs sometimes that all I can do is cry & wail & moan so loud I am positive the neighbors can hear me and think someone is beating me.  Recently even my liver area and rib area have become crazy painful - I could go on and on and on so basically.......my whole entire body hurts.   I am officially invaded.  We had to up my pain dosage again.  I am on a 50 mcg/hr. of Fentanyl. Just a few months ago I was on 12mcg of Fentanyl.

Friday was basically my last appointment with my oncologist unless I change my mind about treatment.  The cancer is so advanced and my body so weakened that there is not much she can do.  All it took was one look at that scan and I knew this was my wakeup call to worry about my comfort and not treatment.  She did not give me a set amount of time I have left, but in order to qualify for hospice she has to say it is 6 months or less.  I didn't ask her.  I guess I didn't want to know.  But, she was for the option of no more treatment.  She said there wasn't one that she thought would work.

I am not dealing with the emotional side of this very well.  I have made some big goals about how I am going to live what little life I have left, but I just can't adequeately articulate that quite yet.
I got up this morning and took a little trip to Krispie Kreme with Berkeley and to a groovy used book store to get some Father's Day presents.  Yes, I drove myself.  Hooray for me.  Then the hospice lady came this morning and finished setting up care for me.  I don't need much from them yet, but we are ready to go for when that time comes.  She also brought me a wheelchair.  I want to be able to get out of the house and live as normally as possible for as long as possible so I NEED the wheelchair.  She brought this tiny, skinny wheelchair for me....totally funny.  She looked at my weight and obviously not my height and figured I was pretty petite. HILARIOUS!!!!!  This kinda let you know though how skinny I am (too skinny).  I can't walk very far or exert myself too much without a lot of pain. After the hospice lady left I made everyone get ready and go on an outing with me.  It was fun.  Went to a little small town Historical Day celebration and ate a bunch of yummy food truck yummies and then went and watched some cool Native American performances.  I tried really hard to choose happy and enjoy my family and not get grumpy.  I think I deserve an A+++ considering especially I did not sleep one wink last night.

Anyways, this is the news, this is it.  Time to deal.

Peace out,

Gina the Awesome (I really need a new nickname)

Bum...Bum...Bum...Bummm...... Tomorrow is RESULTS Day

Ahhhhh.  Tomorrow I meet with my oncologist to get the results from my PET Scan and Brain MRI.  I am a little nervous, but not too bad.  I think I am too tired to be nervous.  Since Tuesday night (night before my scans) I have gotten a total of maybe 4-5 hours of sleep and here it is Thursday evening -  9 pm.  So let's just say this post is gonna be short one.  ME SO TIRED!!!!

My appointment is in the morning and Corey (my husband) is going with me.  I am HOPING that the cancer has not spread or gotten worse.  I am praying for it to have stabilized or even shrunk a little.  Stage 4 breast cancer patients do not have their cancer go away.  I am going to die from this....the question is how long until I do.  How long can all the poisons they are pumping in me hold off this nasty disease.  Some people can live years holding it off just enough to stay alive, yet others only get months.  So far I have been given 9 months.

My husband and I have VERY different opinions on how this should play out.  He thinks that I will die soon.  He is actually surprised that I am still alive. He does not want me to suffer at all anymore.  He doesn't like it that I keep choosing to do treatment.  He thinks I am just delaying the inevitable.  That I am just prolonging the suffering.  He hates that I am suffering and he hates the loss of control.
I  - on the other hand think that I should keep getting treatment (as long as it is still working) because I want to stay here with my family as long as possible.  Yes, I am sick and in pain - BUT it is not unbearable (well sometimes it is).  I believe that I will be able to know when to stop treatment and focus on quality of life.  Corey thinks I will do treatment until I basically kill myself and have zero quality of life left.  Well....I guess we will just have to wait and see.  Ultimately it is up to me.  I will take into consideration my family's wishes, but this is my life.  I just can't bear to think about not raising my kids.  They need me and I need them.

So say a little prayer tonight or send me some sweet vibes that I will get at least good enough news that something is working.  That something is keeping the devil cancer from killing me.

Peace out!

The one boob wonder (old nickname).....I am now the ......................???????????????????

Long Time No Post

   So I know that Blogger and Blogging is kinda out of date and old-fashioned, but this old dog doesn't want to learn new tricks.....so here we go!
  The last two times I was diagnosed with cancer I was really good at blogging about it and letting all my friends and family know the details of what I was going through physically and emotionally.   I was told countless times how much people enjoyed and appreciated this.  I enjoyed doing it.  It allowed me a medium to really process and organize my thoughts and feelings.
Here we are on my third cancer diagnosis and I have not blogged one single word.  I have been pretty good at posting on Instagram(gjawesome) and Facebook(Gina Jolley Aldridge), but those places really only allow me to scratch the surface of what is going on.  I have not even posted on my blog since March of 2014 - wow!

   We moved to Missoula, Montana (dream town) last February 2015.  I was pretty much done with cancer treatment (except my daily estrogen hormone treatment - no big deal AND I still needed my nipple construction surgery on my right right breast)  WARNING:  I talk about boobs like they are no biggie....so deal with it.  But, as far as I was concerned I was done with cancer.  The hard part was over.  I was a survivor.
 I got a new local oncologist for a regular check-up in March 2015.  At the end of the appointment I mentioned to her that I had a small, very irregular pain in my upper abdomen on the right side (right where the liver is located).  I had just had a scan of that area in December 2014 and was scheduled to get another scan in December 2015.  She told me that if I wanted we could move the scan up, but I thought it was just because I was being more active and had strained something.  She told me to call anytime if I thought the pain was getting worse.  So I pretty much forgot about it......then a few months later I noticed it was more painful and happening more often...but I decided I was being a hypochondriac (cancer survivors can feel me here - you seem to notice all aches and pains and over analyze them) and tried to ignore it.  Summer 2015 starting in August it got even worse and I decided that I was probably dying from liver cancer.  So when I got home from my vacation at the end of August I decided to trust my instinct/promptings and called my doctor to move up my scans.

OH MAN I AM GLAD I CALLED MY DOCTOR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 I never used to get nervous before a scan or surgery.  I always knew everything would work out.  Crazy thing is this time I was totally scared and had completely freaked myself out and was convinced I had liver cancer.  Looking back is crazy to see how tune I was with my body.
I had almost 7 glorious months in Missoula leading an active and healthy lifestyle.  Things were going SUPER!......and then the bomb "literally" (say it in a Rob Lowe voice from Parks and Rec please) dropped.  If you don't watch Parks and Recreation I am not sure we can be friends :)

******  I hope this blogging about the past with a little bit of the current isn't too confusing for you all.  It sure is confusing me.  But, that might have to do with the fact I have an insane amount of fentanyl, oxycodone, benadryl, prednisone, and valium in my body.  Many I sound like such a druggy.

    I just decided to look back at my past Facebook posts so I don't mess up some of the dates and facts too much.  I am glad I did.  Here is the first time I talk about my results,

"So I got some really bad news yesterday. My scans did not look good at all. They found spots on my pelvis (there was one that was really big), spine, sacral joints, and femur. Basically all over my bones. My oncologist said it is most likely metastatic breast cancer, but they can't know for sure until we do a biopsy. So I have a PET scan on Tuesday. This will be of my whole body and will give more fine detail so the doctors can determine the best and least invasive place to do a biopsy. I then will meet with my oncologist (whom I love already) next Thursday to go over the results and schedule the biopsy. So I am in limbo until next Thursday. I was hoping for clear scans so I could say I am 3 years cancer free, but I knew in my heart that there was something wrong. I am so glad I trusted myself and moved up my regular scan a few months. My last scan was last December and it was clear. So my lemon of a body has been busy since then. So here it begins again...I am back on the cancer road for the 3rd time. If it is what the doctor thinks it is I am not ever getting off that road. So please pray that I will have the strength to deal with this most unfortunate news. I am still in a state of shock & a little angry....well maybe more than a little"  """":(

   My world was destroyed.....completely turned upside down.  How do you deal with the news that you are most likely dying and have an 7 and 10 and 41 year old that need you and that you need and love desperately?  Well, that has what I have been trying to figure out and failing out for the past 9 months.  I hope to get into that some more with my posts.......but I am to0  tired to deal with that right now........looking back at my old Facebook posts produced too many tears.

So for now, peace out my peeps

Cancer can Kiss my A**someness

The Boob Thief

I have rotten luck...seriously I do.  Before you have a surgery or procedure or chemo or whatever they always tell you a bunch of things that "might" happen.  They then tell you that those things do not happen very often.  I am the girl that these things happen to.  I am the  0.1 %.
Here are some of them:
- bilateral pulmonary embolism from my port or chemo (not sure which one...I am a mystery or so says my oncologist)
- SVT and heart problems from chemo
- Expander infected and needed to be swapped out, giving me an extra surgery and more time as the one boob wonder....also getting MRSA
- I kept getting holes in my boobs that would leak for months
- my drain sites would get infected and painful
- some of my drain sites would NOT heal
AND now my latest and greatest set back......

 I will call this fun story in my life, "The Boob Thief".

So I went in for a routine check-up with my plastic surgeon's PA on Tuesday (my plastic surgeon just had a baby and is on maternity leave).  The day before I had noticed a little scab/sore on my scar line on my right breast that was leaking a tiny bit.  I thought, oh great another leaky boob....but no big deal, been there done that.  I was thankful I had an appointment the next day, but I thought it was seriously, NOT a big deal at all. Jason the PA took the bandage off the wound and  he got the saddest/upset face I had ever seen (he is a super friendly, happy guy)...He couldn't even speak for a minute (probably only 20 seconds, but it seemed like forever---like time was frozen)...He told me the thing I though was a scab was actually my implant.  It was exposed and MUST come out.

SERIOUSLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!???????????????????????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Then it got even better....He got a mirror to show me the problem.  Just since the morning my scar was all stretched out and the hole was WAY BIGGER....crazy how much change had happened in 4 hours.  He told me that it would get worse.  He also told me to call or go to the er if I thought it was bad enough that my implant was going to fall out....really?  Implants fall out??? Apparently, they do.   I asked why this was happening and he said it was most likely and infection and my DUMB, STUPID luck.  Then, he dropped the most special news on me.....The implant was going out and most likely NOT being replaced for 3 months.  I would be the ONE BOOB WONDER again.

I had just started feeling better again...My boobs were healing and not hurting as much.....I had just bought my first new swimsuit that would fit my new small perky boobs two hours earlier as a early birthday present to myself....I was planning a fun sit by the pool and drink fruity drinks trip to San Diego with my sister in the beginning of May.....I was moving on with my life, with my new cancer-free body. (my MRI scan two weeks ago was clear of cancer....pretty rad)

Next, he took some pictures to show the surgeon because all of the surgeons were in surgery at the time.  He told me I most likely would have surgery within the next week....but hopefully Friday.  He told me he would get back with me in a few hours after talking with the surgeon.

So I started driving home, had a good little cry in the car, and 30 minutes later the scheduler called me and told me the surgeon said I must have surgery right away and he was going to squeeze me into his surgery schedule for tomorrow!!  WOW!!!  TOMORROW...Wednesday....yikes.

So we got our lives rearranged, got grandma to come, (thank you...thank you..thank you - she has saved us so many times), and headed out for surgery the next day.

I went to the surgical center down the hill from OHSU....oh man it was plush when compared to the hospital. I met with my new surgeon for the first time and he said there was a 99% chance a low-grade festering infection was causing this.  He said he could put a new implant in today, BUT I would be back in two months with the same problem.  They must take the implant out, put a drain in, collapse the space, and KILL, KILL, KILL the nasty microorganisms that are causing this.    Then in three months I will have surgery again to put an expander in......WAIT!!  SHUT UP!!!  STOP!!!  Expander, not implant??????   I have to do an expander again??  I had been trying to come to terms with my new reality of being lopsided until June....but now he is telling me it might be longer....oh crap.  He told me they "might" be able to put an implant in, but the more common scenario was an expander....inflate the space over a few months, then another surgery to put a new implant in.  This means THREE bonus surgeries.

STUPID BOOBS...STUPID BOOBS...STUPID BOOBS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Why do I care???  But, I do care..... I have so many deformed and crippled things about me that I have no control over...This problem can be fixed and I want them fixed.  I know lots of women that have chosen to not do reconstructive surgery and I totally respect this choice, but that choice is not for me.  I want boobs....even if I have to deal with all this garbage and set-backs. 

At this rate this ordeal that they said usually lasts a year will last over 2 years for me....

This surgery that happened yesterday is surgery #18 for me.  It is the 6th surgery since this ordeal began in August 2012.

So the surgery went well. He said the tissue surrounding the implant was VERY infected and that we had made the right choice taking the implant out and not replacing it.  He stole my boob.  The surgery was only about 20-30 minutes long with little to no time in recovery because they just used heavy sedation instead of anesthesia.  It was pretty cool.  I have little to no pain....but I have a drain.  If you are a regular reader of my blog you know my feelings on drains.  I HATE THEM WITH ALL MY HEART....THEY ARE THE DEVIL.

They sent me home...I stopped and got a ginourmous veggie burrito from Chipolte on the way home (so strange being able to eat right after surgery and not feel sick).  Even though I am not in pain, I am supposed to take it easy, rest and relax until the drain comes out.  

Last night as I changed into my pjs and was emptying my drain I snuck a peek at my deflated boob.  It LITERALLY looks like a deflated balloon. It looks simply awfuland super deformed. It makes me incredibly sad. I haven't changed or taken a shower today because I do not want to see my deflated chest again.  I look down at my body right now and I feel a sense of loss. I do NOT want to deal with this, but I must.  I am trying to be positive, but I am allowing myself to mourn my set-back a little.

So this morning I was on facebook checking things out when I was reminded once again that my problems are small and I need to chill out.

- 1.2 billion people on earth live in extreme poverty

- 2.6 million children die every year due to hunger related causes

- 8 million people die each year from cancer

- There are people dealing with war, death, hunger, rape, human trafficking, paralysis, terminal diseases, childhood cancer, depression, loneliness, homelessness, etc....etc.... in this world.  I am blessed.  My problems are small.  I am grateful for my life and all the good things in my life.

So here I am...THE ONE BOOB WONDER again....I promise to get back to my positive self as soon as possible.  I do have to point out that since I had a reduction on my left breast I am not as lopsided as last time...so it will not be so awkward or difficult.  That is a positive in this storm of negativity.
 Also in 6 days I will be 43 years young.  Last year for my birthday I got chemo, this year I get a deflated boob and a drain.  Happy birthday to ME!!!
Until then, I am accepting gifts of chocolate  for my birthday or just because you love me :)

P.S.  ******I also want to point out that my husband needs to start saving $$ to take me on a Hawaiian or other tropical island trip once all this garbage is over and done with.  I want to lay on a beach and drink fruity drinks with my small perky boobs that I will get someday...

FUNK

I had my last major reconstruction surgery on my breasts 6 weeks ago.  The surgery went well and I am the proud owner of 2 NORMAL sized breasts.  There are still a few minor adjustments to make and a few things that aren't going normally, but HELLO my ridiculously big boobs are OLD NEWS...GONE...DEAD!!!  I know, some of you think I am weird (Look how many people go under the knife for bigger boobs), but if you have ginourmous boobs you can understand my joy that they are gone. I don't even need to wear a bra......so AWESOME!!! I look SO MUCH THINNER...I  look long and lean and lovely (I know I am conceited..but I can't help it if I am beautiful....ha..ha..ha).  So you would think, "Wow, Gina I bet life is grand now."
That is my problem and I have to keep it real.....I have been in a major FUNK.  It took so much longer to recover from this surgery than I thought it would.  I remember the 1st few days I wouldn't leave my bed or move for fear of it hurting too much.  I have had way more painful surgeries, but it seems that as soon as one pain stops a new one develops.  I know this is normal, but I want to be done with the pain.  It isn't severe pain anymore, but it is enough to make me grumpy and on edge.
I was so blessed that my mom came out to take over mommy duties for me for 5 weeks.  I thought I only needed her for a couple of weeks...boy was I wrong.  She saved me.  She loved my kids, made yummy food, put up with my grumpy self, kept my home spic n' span, and cleaned out and organized all our closets and drawers.....and so much more.  She is wonderful, I love her.
So I am blessed, I know this....BUT....I still feel frustrated and sad.  I know some of it is seasonal blues (it is gray and rainy where I live ALL THE TIME), but I have been pondering a LOT and I think my funk is due to these THREE things:
1.  I keep getting sick....seriously it is ridiculous.  All the nasty bugs seek me out.
2.  I have been BEAT down for a YEAR and a HALF and I really do feel weak; both mentally, physically, and spirtually.  I have had so much CRAP happen that I am just so tired and exhausted and a little angry.
3.  I feel like I don't have the strength to get my strength back.  I am so weak.  My physical strength is ZERO...actually negative 1000.  This is the lowest point I have ever been in my life as far as physical strength and fitness. I have been forced to lay around so much that my muscles are so atrophied. Then you add the fact that I also have severe arthritis and scolosis into the mix and I am in a world of hurt.  So as my pain from my surgeries subsides and I slowly try to do some housework or be more active, I am in severe pain due to my stupid back and hip.  Seriously, it is awful.  Yesterday afternoon I went grocery shopping and cooked a very simple dinner.  When dinner was complete I could barely walk and I proceeded to lay on the floor to cry, feel sorry for myself and to try to straighten out my back.  I get completely out of breath going up or down the stairs in my home.  I am constantly having hot flashes and a racing heart....oh my.  What I am trying to say is...it is going to be hard enough to get my strength back without my arthritis and other medical ailments messing everything up.

So I have been laying around, depressed, feeling sorry for myself, being grumpy, being weak.  Basically, being the kind of person I DO NOT LIKE.  I hate complainers....seriously, I do.  I have turned into the type of person I think is ridiculous.  Oh boo-hoo, I have problems....everybody feel sorry for me, my life is sooooo hard.   <---- lame="" p="">

I am to this point.

SO WHAT AM I GOING TO DO ABOUT IT?

I think I am finally ready to do something about it

1.  First of all, I need to remember HELLO....You beat cancer AGAIN!! That is amazing and I need to remember I am one of the lucky ones.

2.  I need to remember all my advice from my graduation speech I gave last June.  

SEE SUMMARY BELOW

****REMEMBER THE KEYS TO AWESOMENESS:

1.       Learn to love yourself – You are made of 100% pure awesomeness – Be yourself, It’s awesome.

2.       Choose your attitude – When I get sad, I stop being sad and be awesome instead

3.       YOU CAN DO HARD THINGS….this is what awesome looks like

4.       GIVE BACK – Kindness matters.  Fill other people’s buckets full of awesome sauce

So in the wise words from someone on the internet, remember “Anyone can be cool, but awesome takes practice”

You have to practice these things…… You don’t become awesome overnight.  You will make MANY mistakes and have oh so many setbacks.

But, as you practice these things you will truly be full of awesomeness…..You will radiate Awesomeness…..People will want to be around you  - you will be a force for all that is good in this world….and that is what I want for you more than anything.

OH MY GOODNESS....if I gave this speech and truly believe what I said what in the world am I doing???  I want to go back to being full of awesomeness.  I want to radiate awesomeness again.

I am just having a really BIG set-back.  I need to get back on track.

So starting today I am taking some small steps to reclaiming my life and my body.  I need to...I have to..I want to.  Even though it is going to be so very tough and painful.  It will be worth it....right?

I put the things I am going to do here on the internet to try to hold me more accountable.

So here is my small plan (baby steps):

- Make a doctor's appointment - start physical therapy

- Go on a walk every day, rain or shine

- Focus on my kids...be their mom again...have fun with them...be present

- Do something I enjoy every day 

- Get at least 7-8 hours of sleep each day
-make healthier food choices

- Choose a good attitude
- Push myself, but DO NOT overdo it!!!

Wish me luck...

Love, 

The Two Boob Wonder (no more One Boob Wonder or 1.5 Boob Wonder)

♫ All I Want for Christmas is My Two New Boobs ♫

**** DISCLAIMER:  I talk about BOOBS a bunch in this post  ****

(not that you need a warning with the title of this post being kinda a big hint)

TOMORROW I go under the knife for my last major surgery to reconstruct my breasts.

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

NOT A MOMENT TOO SOON.....I am so excited (can you tell?)!

I now have THREE holes in my right breast mound (it really isn't a breast it is a lump).  If you are a reader of my blog you know all about the first hole that appeared last August.  I had surgery back in August to repair it and it formed AGAIN.  My surgeon tried many things to fix it (stitches, cauterizing, cleaning, giving it time, etc) and NOTHING worked.  It just keep forming skin granulations and leaking fluid.  I have had a leak since August...NOT fun.  I had to keep it bandaged.  There were many mornings when I woke up to a big stinky mess when the bandage would leak.  When I had the surgery in August my surgeon "de-flated" my breast mound.  She did not want me to get any fills to the expander until the hole healed.  I waited and waited and waited and waited for it to heal.  FINALLY, on November 18th I went in for what felt like my 100th check-up where I figured they would clean it out, it would bleed all over, then they would burn it, and tell me to come back in two weeks (that was the pattern for months).  But, my doctor came in looked at it and said I had two choices.

1.  I could have surgery in the next few weeks to open up the hole, clean it out, and then close it up and wait for it to heal.

OR

2.  She could give me a fill today and I could come back the next week.  If the hole wasn't in worse shape she would fill it some more and schedule my BIG surgery where she would REDUCE my left side and swap the expander out with my IMPLANT and she would fix the hole at the same time.  But, she said I would have to be ok with a smaller breast size than we had planned on originally.

Ummmmmm HELLO. I chose option TWO, duh!

But, nothing comes easy or simple with me.  Last week ANOTHER hole formed on the right side of my right breast.  Then a few days ago a big lump formed on the front of my breast mound and sure enough this morning it had burst and it is leaking some nasty, nasty puss.  It is the biggest and nastiest hole of them all.  I am LITERALLY falling apart.  But my rock star surgeon seems to think it is no big deal and will be able to make everything better tomorrow.  So tomorrow I am putting my trust in her to FIX me UP!!!

Tomorrow will be my 18th surgery.  I am a pro.  I am not scared at all.  I am not looking forward to the pain and recovery (she said it is a quick, easy recovery....sure it is doc) and I am NOT looking forward to the stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid drain.

BUT

I am so excited for my new figure!!! 

 Even before my right breast mastectomy back in October 2012 I have wanted a breast reduction.  It would help my back out so much, plus I would just look better.  They always were large (DD before kids) (H/I after kids) and ridiculous.  So my present for surviving all the CRAP this past 16 months is TWO NEW SMALL PERKY BOOBS.

So tomorrow morning I check in at 8:30 am to have the following things done:

1.  Reduce my left breast from an H/I cup size down to about a C.  This is my best guess on size.  I went a few days ago to try on bras (kinda hard when I have a big huge boob in the way) and I think that is the size.  It was so exciting to buy a nice, soft, small, no under wire bra that costs only $17 for post-surgery.  I have not bought a bra like that since I was 12.  NO MORE uncomfortable, expensive bras from speciality stores and ordered from Europe.

2.  Do a nipple graft.  She is going to make my left breast nipple smaller and re-locate it....OUCH

3.  She is going to somehow fix my three holes so I don't have leaky boobs anymore.  ♫ There's a hole in my booby dear Liza, dear Liza. There's a hole in my booby, dear Liza a hole.  Well, go fix it....... ♫

4.  Take the expander out and put my implant in (she said she is going to use a new kind (can't remember the name of it) that is soft and natural looking)

5.  Nip and tuck all the ugly, crazy things going on in the area under my armpit.

So say a little prayer and/or send me some good vibes that my surgeon will do an amazing job and I will be able to recover quickly and start my road to taking my body back.  

2014 is going to be a GREAT year!!!!!!

Merry Christmas to ME a little early :)

Baby Shower for My Kimmy

Last month, with the help of my mother-in-law and sisters-in-law we threw a baby shower for my sister-in-law Kim.  She was expecting her 4th boy.  Her youngest is 8 and she thought she was done having kids so she had NO baby stuff.  So of course she needed a shower.  We were so worried the week leading up to the shower because she was dilated to a 6 and her doctor had stripped her membranes.  She was also  having pretty big contractions.  I was so worried that all my hard work would be for naught.  But, she was a good girl and kept her baby boy in.  

We had a luncheon with yummy food, fabulous games (Get To Know You and Name that BABY Tune), super friends and family, and lots of great gifts for momma and baby boy.

 So, here is the guest of honor....Isn't she so beautiful??

She thought her belly was huge, I thought she was tiny for 9 months along. 

 I wish I had looked that good when I was pregnant!!!

 I absolutely love the elephants with the blue & gray theme

 YUM!!!

Here is Kim's buddy Arlee - she made that super cute banner....I am so in love with the banner.

 double chocolate cupcakes and toasted coconut cupcakes

 white chocolate raspberry cheesecakes

fancy toffee brownies and chocolate covered strawberries

 chocolate cheesecakes

Anne-Marie and the luncheon spread.  We had chicken salad croissant sandwiches, poppy seed pasta salad, berry almond salad, pretzel fruit salad, spicy pecan spinach salad, and delectable garlic mini-rolls

oh yummy

 pineapple grapefruit punch

 Kim & Sally - childhood best friends - both preggo

 presents!!!  She got her fancy diaper bag

 must eat for two - baby is hungry

 The shower givers and the shower receiver :)

My nephew Jordan and his "lady" friend and his weirdo mom :)

I think the shower turned out great even though we had a few "issues" (lost keys, car not starting, no cups, Kim's mom missing most of the shower....etc).....ooops....those are some long stories for another day :)

  I was so happy to work hard to put on a beautiful shower for my Kimmy.  I love her so much and I wanted her to feel loved and special.  She is an amazing lady and I love her bunches.  

Fall Fun

I LOVE autumn.......it is the most beautiful time of the year in the Pacific Northwest

The kids didn't have school on Friday so we headed to Bauman Farms with The Maganas and The Wrigleys.  Bauman Farms is near the Woodburn Outlet Stores (amazing outlet stores....I avoided them this trip - very dangerous to your wallet) in Oregon. 

Click here to visit their website

It was kinda far away (1.5 hours), but OH so worth it.  The only thing I suggest is you get there in the morning when they open so you have enough time to do everything.  You really need the whole day.  We ran out of time and didn't get to enjoy everything.

So I am going to dump a bunch of pics of our fun adventure here in this post.

 I need two more kids.....really I do

Carlie - "Ouch, I hurt my bum"

 waiting in line for the Swing Line

 There goes Carlie!!!

 My brave 5 year old :-)

 Pumpkin Hill Slide

 Bug Train

 it was super bumpy

 some of the cute decorations.....This place was ADORABLE

 look at Carlie's face - can you tell she thought the Bug Train was super bumpy?

 Pumpkin Hill

 Ginormous Jumping Pillow

 

 Adorbs

 Obstacle course with Uncle Ju-Wann

 Berk jumping out of the Obstacle Course

 Hay Ride with my kiddos....The lighting for this photo was strange....look at my big yellow fro on my head

 Trying to pick up the pumpkins

 too cute

 CORN MAZE

 "Mom, look at all the corn's hair!!!  It is growing hair!!!"

Apparently my child has never shucked corn

 Corn Maze bridge

 wow, I look mean

 would have been much cuter without the jacket tucked under my arm and the water bottle - oh well

 GORGEOUS

 some of my very favorite peeps....little baby Cruz hidden in the baby carrier.

 "Look mom, bunny ears."

 His expressions CRACK me UP!

 even better

 Gooooo Carlie

 Modeling with my girls

 CRAZY girls

 

 too cute

 holy big pumpkin

 sooooo pretty

 Farmer Berk

 I need to do this....so in love

 Group photo time...what's up with my camera being so out of focus???

 Ummmm...Kim we are not doing funny faces yet....

 funny faces pics are my FAVORITE

What a fun day.  My kids had an absolute blast.  We are going to have to go back.  Hopefully, we can go back when Corey can go with us. We only did about half of the activities.  

By the time I got home that night I was EXHAUSTED.  My body is so weak and out of shape.  My body, especially my legs and feet were so sore and worn out that I could NOT fall asleep.  It was so awful.  I ended up taking a bunch of ibuprofen and a few pain pills and finally feel asleep around 3 am.....only 5 hours to fall asleep.  I guess I need to start exercising again.  I guess laying around for over a year kinda messes your body up.  

But, all that pain was worth seeing the smiles on my children's faces....they are my heart and soul.