Chemo....Day One - This is My Kind of Turkey Day

Today was a long day, but I consider it a successful day.  I was nervous going into it because I didn't really know what to expect.  BUT, the doctor, nurses, volunteers, my hubby, & my mother-in-law took excellent care of me today.  I actually feel o.k. at this point.  I have a little headache and I feel super funky, a little tired, and drugged up (shocker, I know with 5 drugs coursing through my body)...BUT not sick yet.  I was at the cancer center for about 5 hours.
It has been so helpful for me to have the blog because..........
- It means I don't have to repeat myself a hundred times to people
- My friends & family can stay updated with as much or as little information as they want (I know some of my blog posts are LONG winded - I have a lot to say)
- It also helps me process my feelings and stay on top of all the information I get bombarded with
- I also think it is helpful for people to REALLY see what all is involved in fighting cancer.  I think there is power in the details. It has been an eye opening experience.

Sooooooooo, time for a long winded re-cap of the day (in bullet form - my favorite):
- Appointment started at 9 ended a little after 2.

 

1.  First, they did blood work.  It was the first time using my port....kinda weird, but super cool.  You can see the port in use above.  They numb & sterilize the area first.  They use a special needle that when it is taken out the port seals right up.  It is pretty nifty and much better than having to find a good vein over and over again (having flashbacks to college & donating plasma).  They also took an extra vial of blood to send it off for genetic testing for the breast cancer gene.
2. Then we sat down with the doctor for a LONG chat.  He went over why he thinks my chemo treatment is the best, the rare and scary side effects, test results, & some of what is in store for me.   I am not going to tell you everything, but here are a few things:

• One of the drugs I am taking can cause heart failure 2% of the time (but it is usually reversible)

• My blood work pre-chemo showed I am anemic and that I have low red blood cells,  low hemoglobin, & low potassium......no bueno.  This means I got preventive antibiotics today AND I will have to stay away from public places (more on that later)
• I have to take my temperature every day.  He got SUPER SERIOUS about this.  He said no matter what, if I have a temperature over 101 degrees I must immediately go to the emergency room.  He said there is a 1% chance of dying from chemo (he has never had a patient die from chemo).....and he said it is because people ignore this sign of infection.  If you get antibiotics for it right away they can save you.....if you wait - you are stupid and die. 

• The Onco test showed that I have a high re-occurrence rate (score 33 =  22% rate) for my cancer (this is for it showing up somewhere other than my breast - metastatic = super scary).  Chemo will significantly lower my chances of this happening AND it can kill any microscopic cancer cells that all the modern technology can't pick up with a test or scan.  There might be something hiding in my nodes or bones, etc.....He said he hopes I am in the 78% chance group of cancer NOT coming back and that we did chemo for no reason.

  3.  After the doctor chat they took me back to the chemo area.   Since it was my first time I got a private room with a hospital bed and TV.  It was actually pretty cozy.  I hung out and played on my phone while they waited for my blood results.  Then, they gave me antibiotics & 2 nausea medications through the port (Aloxi, Emend, Cortistat LA) &....this took awhile.  When this was done they did a saline flush and I had to wait 30 minutes before they could start the chemo drugs.  At this point I had been there 3 hours.  A volunteer brought me veggie lasagna & a salad (pretty good) & a nasty custard for dessert.  They also had lots of snacks & drinks available to me.  I had two cups of chocolate ice cream and a lot of juice....yum.  Ice cream always makes things better.  Everyone was SUPER nice.
4.  After lunch they started the chemo medications.  First up, Adriamycin.  It took about 40 minutes to infuse this poison cancer killing medicine into my body.  This is the one that makes your pee red, and sure enough my pee is orangy/red.  It is like I put food coloring in my pee.
5.  Then, another flush of saline and they infused the poison medicine cytoxan.  While they were administering all the drugs my nurse went over all the things I need to do, what side effects I need to notify them about, and what to do with my 7 prescriptions I was going to get
 - Decadron & Zofran to prevent nausea
 -  Levaquin, an antibiotic to start on Monday
 - Ambien for my insomnia
 - Lidocaine to numb my port before each appointment
- Peridex, a mouth wash - He doesn't want me to brush my teeth AT ALL next week.  Each time people brush their teeth the introduce bacteria into the blood stream.  Wow....this is going to be nasty.
 - Naproxen for my arthritis and pain that can occur......he told me to use my oxycodone if I felt it was necessary
6.  Then, I was done.....I had taken my iPhone from 100% down to 3%.....that meant time to go home :)  I got A LOT of parting gifts, but my favorite was the CRAZY turkey blanket.  Only one person a month gets a themed blanket that a super sweet lady makes.  LOVE that there is a wild, crazy, funky turkey.....just like me.  I told my friend today that when I first saw it all folded  up  I thought what a pretty, neutral colored blanket.  When I opened it up I gasped....what a crazy surprise.  It is like me.  I look like a nice and normal-ish gal, but sometimes I let my crazy, funky side out (well maybe I let the crazy out more than sometimes).

7.  On the way home I grabbed a veggie burrito at Taco Time - Oh man it was the tastiest burrito ever.  Now I am home relaxing, eating, feeling mediocre, & the chemo brain is already starting.  Just took a preventive nausea pill.
8.  I go back tomorrow for a shot of Neulasta.  This will help my body make white blood cells to fight off possible infections.
9.  Around Monday my blood count will probably drop.  Because it is already low he wants me to start another antibiotic on Monday and avoid public places Monday - Friday. He gave me masks for people to wear.  I also have gloves that need to be used when cleaning up my puke or bodily fluids for the next 48 hours.  The chemo drugs can be absorbed through the body fluids. I meet with the PA next Tuesday to check on me and do blood work.
10.  In exactly two weeks I do this all over again.....so excited....

THANKS for all the love I have been shown today.  My facebook and inbox are blowing up. My mother-in-law is here helping take care of me and my family.  My husband stayed with me the whole time even though he was super busy at work and had a big budget approval presentation to his board at 4 pm. My house cleaners that my rad sister-in-law arranged came today too.  It was amazing to come home to a super clean house.  I didn't know I had so many people in my corner.  YOU ALL ROCK!!

So I am going to rest now and kick some cancer butt.  Remember: A positive attitude is contagious and powerful AND you have the POWER to choose your attitude.

- The One Boob Wonder

Here Goes Nothing

Chemotherapy starts in about 36 hours (Wednesday morning 9 am).  To be honest....I am pretty nervous....I don't know what to expect.  I like to think of myself as a superwoman who can handle anything, but there are SO MANY possible side effects it is pretty overwhelming when I allow myself to ponder on it.
I will be receiving chemotherapy every other week for the next 16 weeks.  I should hopefully finish a little after my 42nd birthday in March.  I am on a regiment called AC followed by T (Adriamycin & Cyclophosphamide followed by Paclitaxel..taxel for short).  The first 4 injections will be AC and then the last 4 injections will be taxel.  Both treatments have some pretty nasty possible side effects.  Since I don't have to worry about taxel for awhile I am going to talk about AC.
Here are the SERIOUS possible side effects of AC:
- cause birth defects &/or infertility (this is no problem - no more babies for me was already the forced on me plan...thank you cancer #1)
- 1/1000 chance of getting leukemia (even years later)
- lowers my blood cell count - I can bleed/bruise or get infections more easily - stay away from sick people (flu season - might have to be a homebody), brush & floss gently......etc  He also had me stop taking my medication Gleevec.  Gleevec is the drug that keeps my GIST from coming back, BUT it also lowers my blood count so he wants me to quit taking it.
- allergic reaction
- blistering, peeling, red skin rash
- blood in my urine or stools, painful urination; bloody or black, tarry stools
- fever, chills, cough, sore throat, dry mouth, hot & dry skin, dizziness, confusion, extreme thirst
- NAUSEA, vomiting, loss of appetite, pain in upper stomach (she said this is the most common side effect, but they have lots of medications to try to help with this)
- fatigue, fast or uneven heartbeat
- rapid weight gain or swelling of hands, ankles, or feet
- Adriamycin most likely will cause your urine to turn red for 1 to 2 days
- seizures
- shortness of breath, cold sweat, bluish-colored skin 
- unusual bleeding, bruising, or weakness
- yellow eyes or skin
Here are the LESS serious side effects:
- I will stop menstruating during treatment, possibly FOREVER (this is FANTASTIC!!....always a bright side)
- I will FOR SURE lose my hair (ALL OF IT - EVERYWHERE....STOP... think about it...yup - never thought of that before)  .....changes in the color of my skin or nails.  I have been told that OFTEN the leg hair & arm pit hair take their sweet time coming back....this also sounds fantastic!!!  No shaving for awhile....Whoo-Hoo!!  I will lose my hair sometime during the week of December 9th.  Just in time to look extra pretty for Christmas.
- sores or white patches in my mouth, lips or throat
-  weakness or tiredness

I am trying to be optimistic and hope that I am spared some of these side effects. But, when I read that list some of them a pretty scary.  The PA told me I for sure will be tired & most likely nauseous.  The rest of them we will wait and see.
Please continue to pray & send good vibes to me & my family.  They are needed and I have felt their power already.  I still can't believe all the loving things people have said & done for me & my family.  It is AWESOME!!!!!

Love,
The One Boob Wonder
Just keep on L-I-V-I-N

Steroids=Speed, My Support Group, & MORE GREAT NEWS

     I FINALLY have the steroids out of my system.  I can't believe how CRAZY they made me.  I felt like I was on speed AKA I was a "tweeker".  I couldn't sit still or sleep.  My leg literally twitched.  My brain had a hard time processing information and translating that into speech.  Don't get me wrong, I am grateful it got rid of the HORRIFIC rash - BUT holy cow nobody told me how messed up I would be on steroids.   Then after the dose level tapered off I CRASHED HARD!!!  I pretty much slept for 31 hours.  YUP, just like a tweeker would. Thank goodness my wonderful mother-in-law came to take care of my family after my mommy left on Wednesday because I WAS USELESS.  Good news though, I finally feel normal and I continue to heal from my two surgeries.

 With MUCH apprehension I attended my first breast cancer support group.   I arrived and realized I was in a room full of old ladies.  I felt like I was at my water aerobics classes again (don't get me wrong - loved water aerobics & old ladies).  I wasn't sure what to expect, but I liked it.  The first hour they had a guest speaker who talked about exercise and then we did some of her exercises....yikes - the old lady exercises were harder than they looked :)  I guess my exercise routine of 0 times a week is NOT working :)
     The 2nd hour they went around the room and everyone introduced themselves and said where they were in the breast cancer journey.  Most of the women there were 2+ year survivors.  There was a 38 year survivor there.  There was a lady that her hair was just growing back.  It was kinda cool to see so many women that were on the cancer-free side of things.  It actually was inspiring.
     I was by FAR the youngest one there AND the most recent diagnosed.  One of the ladies got all excited about me and insisted that I be in the survivor march next month at the big annual breast cancer fundraiser.  They said they need people to see that breast cancer is not just an old lady disease.  The hospital is fundraising to build/remodel a breast cancer wing to the hospital.  I told them I was on cancer #2 and about all my other medical issues-  that basically I have a LEMON of a body.  I told them that this cancer was much more scary and I was scared of chemotherapy.  They did a great job of building me up and convincing me that I was strong and could do it.  I figure if all these women can do it, so can I.  The best part of the group though is they love to laugh!  They also LOVED that I am "The One Boob Wonder".  Laughter is the best medicine.

BUT  - HERE IS THE BEST PART!!!!!!!!!!
My breast care coordinator is the one that runs the support group.  I really, really, really like her.  She is about my age and is compassionate and funny.  Anyways, she pulled me aside after the group and told me that she knew my Oncotype DX Test results!!!!!  She had just looked at them earlier in the day.  This was the THIRD test to try to find out if I am HER-2 positive or not. (I am a mystery)
If I am HER-2 positive I would do chemo for a year.
If I am HER-2 negative I would do chemo for 2-3 months.

WOOOOO HOOOOOO I am HER-2 negative!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  

 I am not excited for chemo, BUT this is so much better.  I had convinced myself with my luck and crappy body that I would be HER-2 positive.  Hooray for shorter chemo!!!!!!!!!!!!

She told me she didn't remember all the other details, but that my doctor would discuss it with me at my appointment on Wednesday 

So this is more happy news!!!  

 

If you want some more info on this test here it is (I think it is super interesting, but I am a science nerd):

The Oncotype DX genomic test looks at groups of genes and how active they are, which can influence how a cancer is likely to grow and respond to treatment. A genomic test is different from a genetic test. A genetic test looks for mutations (unusual changes) in genes that are inherited, or passed from one generation to the next.
The Oncotype DX test uses a sample of breast cancer tissue to analyze the activity of 21 genes. Genes control the behavior and activities of all cells, including cancer cells. When cells are behaving abnormally, it often can be traced back to unusual activity by certain genes.
Looking at these 21 genes can provide specific information on:

• the likelihood that the breast cancer will return
• whether you’re likely to benefit from chemotherapy if you’re being treated for early-stage invasive breast cancer
• whether you’re likely to benefit from radiation therapy if you’re being treated for DCIS

So, the Oncotype DX test is both a prognostic test, since it provides more information about how likely (or unlikely) the breast cancer is to come back, and a predictive test, since it predicts the likelihood of benefit from chemotherapy or radiation therapy treatment.
 http://www.breastcancer.org/symptoms/testing/types/oncotype_dx

Port, Rash, Steroids, & Some Great News

Last Thursday, November 8th I had outpatient surgery to put in a port.  Usually they only do a local anesthesia, but my surgeon decided to do a general - so I was completely out. 
A chemotherapy port is a small devise (yes mine is purple) that is implanted under your skin to allow easy access to your bloodstream. A port can be used to draw blood and infuse chemo drugs.  It makes chemotherapy so much easier.  During insertion, a small round metal or plastic disc is placed under your skin through an inch-or-two-long incision.


My port is on my left side - upper chest - above the clavicle. The port is then attached to a catheter tube that is threaded into one of the large veins near your neck, such as the subclavian vein or jugular vein, and ends near the top of my heart.
It is totally under my skin.  All you can see is a small scar and a bump.  I will take a picture of it when the rest of the bandages are off.  The surgeon also drained all the excess fluid on my right chest and under my arm.


    Anyways, the surgery was minor and I was home by 1 in the afternoon.  The next two days were painful, but I dosed up on pain pills & retreated to my cave (my big, dark, cozy bedroom).  It actually was more painful than my mastectomy.  I think that is pretty unbelievable.
     Anyways, just as the pain was subsiding I started getting itchy in the middle of the night (Friday night).  I woke up and noticed I had broken out where the iodine prep was still on my skin.  So I washed it off and went back to bed.  For those of you who think that is gross that I still had that on....I would like to point out that my doctor said not to shower until Saturday & I still had a HUGE bandage on my chest.  By morning I had broken out in a EVIL rash all over my left breast.  By the end of Saturday it had spread to my upper left arm, underarm, abdomen, mastectomy site, neck, and upper chest. I had deep red, raw streaks in many places.  The bumps all over were swollen...it was Ridiculous. I was COMPLETELY miserable. I felt like my skin was on fire and I wanted to rip my skin off.  I felt like I was going INSANE.
      We called the surgical nurses at the hospital.  They told us to go to the ER.  I said -NO WAY.  I didn't want to go anywhere - I was a little delirious.  So they paged my doctor and he told my husband to not take me to the er.  I had been through enough.  He said unfortunately, it was not uncommon for this to happen.  It is an allergic reaction to the iodine/soap scrub down they give the area to prep for surgery.  He told my hubby to have me take Benadryl and put cortisone cream on the rash.  If it wasn't better by Monday or if I got a fever to call him back.  My sister-in-law Anne-Marie also suggested icing the area & taking some other allergy meds in addition.  Honestly, that was the only thing that really helped!!  I would ice the whole area down until it was numb and then I was able to fall asleep before it started itching again.  Thanks Anne-Marie!
     On Sunday it was not NOT any better, BUT it was the primary program that I had been looking forward to.  So I dosed up on meds, said a prayer or two, and put on my happy face.   I then went and led the music for my AWESOME kiddos in the program.  I was able to do it somehow.  By the time the program was over I was clammy and feeling faint and wanted to scratch my body off, but I DID IT!!!!  The kids sang beautifully and I was happy I didn't miss the program.  I then proceeded to go home and pass out.  Sunday was a blur and so was Monday.
     On Monday I had an appointment with the oncology PA to discuss my family tree/genetics and whether I should get the genetic test for the breast cancer gene.  I had her look at my rash.  She gave me a prescription for steroids to help get rid of the severe allergic reaction.  I am happy to report that when I woke up this morning the rash FINALLY was better.  It hasn't gone away, but it has gone down enough that I fell much better.  The steroids are making me tired, restless, and bloated, BUT THAT IS OK....It is much better than the INSANITY I felt all weekend long.

     The PA was concerned with my family history of cancer on my father's side.  My dad died of melanoma at age 51.  His sister (my auntie Trish) died at age 51 from multiple myeloma.  My dad and aunt lived in the Indian Bend Wash are in high school.  There is a high incidence rate of a wide variety of cancers in that area from people that lived in that area in that time period.   Some local companies had dumped industrial cancer causing solvents that contaminated the water in the 60's. It was discovered in 1983 and declared a Superfund site and the companies had to pay to clean it up. Hmmmmmmmm, this makes me wonder..........
    Anyways, my grandpa has had multiple melanoma lesions removed from his head/ears/neck & has colon cancer (but he didn't get the colon cancer until he was in his 90's).  My mom has even had melanoma.  I have had two cancers by age 41 and one of my younger cousins has had cancer too. There is only relation that I know of that has had breast cancer though - my mom's aunt.  But, she thinks it is concerning and is going to pass my case on to the City of Hope in Los Angeles to see what they think.  So she said it is up to me if I want to have the genetic test done.  She said there is an 8% chance I have it.  I think I am going to do the test for piece of mind.

I still do not know what my chemo plan is.  My 2nd test for HER-2 came back as inconclusive.  They said this is extremely rare for both tests to come back as inconclusive.  So there is only one other test that will give the HER-2 levels.  It is a genetic test.  It has been ordered and the results will hopefully be back by the end of the week.  I have another appointment for the day before Thanksgiving to discuss my chemo plan (we should know by then - hopefully).  They are now planning on me to start chemo the week after Thanksgiving.

So I have had a rough week AND my mom leaves on Wednesday.   BUT, I have good news for those of you who read this LONG post.

My PET scan and brain MRI came back NORMAL.  This means the cancer has NOT spread beyond the lymph nodes!!!  HOORAY!!!  This makes me happy and much more calm.  

 Finally, some good news :)

LOTS of Stuff to Do Pre-Chemo

On Tuesday, October 30th I met with my oncologist for the first time.  I was not sure what to expect, but I was not expecting to be there for 2 1/2 hours.  I was told so much information that I felt like I was on brain overload.  It has taken several days to process it all and now I am ready to share.  Good thing my smart husband recorded a lot of the appointment on his phone.  There is no way I would have been able to remember it all.

So here is a summary if you are interested:

- I will lose my hair...no way to avoid it.  It will start falling out around the 2nd treatment. I guess I will be a bald beauty :)
- He ordered  A LOT of tests/procedures/etc.  He said he does not normally do such extensive testing before chemotherapy, but I am young and feels it is necessary for my case.  He wants to make sure the cancer has not spread beyond my lymph nodes
          - PET Scan - I had this done this past Thursday morning.  This was a two hour test.  They
injected me with glucose(sugar) that had a radioactive marker.  I sat and read a book for an hour and
then moved me to the imaging room they took images of 7 sections of my body.  This part took over an hour.  It was pretty uncomfortable to lay that still for that long because of my stupid arthritis and it was crazy cold (even though they covered me in blankets)....but I survived.  This test works on the premise that cancer cells metabolize sugar at a faster rate than normal cells.  Any part of the body that is extra metabolically active will show up as a hot region.  Therefore my brain, kidneys, surgical site, AND CANCER will be hot.  So this test will show if the breast cancer has spread.  He said this test also is very sensitive to GIST too (my first cancer)....so we can see if that is showing up again.  He went ahead and included the brain in the PET scan.  He said it is like looking for fire within a fire, but he said it still can be useful.
          - Brain MRI - scheduled for Monday night (November 5th)....He ordered the brain MRI because you can't count on the PET scan to determine if the cancer has spread to the brain
          - CT Scan - He will order this one after the PET scan results are in.  He will at least do a chest CT so he can look at the axilla (underarm lymph area).  If the PET scan shows cancer in other areas then he will scan other parts of my body too
          - Genetic Testing - He wants me tested for the breast cancer gene (BCR-1 and BCR-2).  He thinks it is likely due to my young age & history of cancer on my father's side of the family.  If I do have the gene he will adjust my chemo accordingly - there are some drugs that work well in this case.  He said he would also recommend having a mastectomy on my remaining breast.....aaarghh.....
          - Blood Work - pretty routine....already done that day
          - Port - I will have a Port surgically inserted into my chest this Thursday.  It is an outpatient surgery using local anesthesia.  This is to give them direct access for chemotherapy.  I could also have the port put in under my arm.  He prefers the chest, but it does leave a scar in a place people will see.
          - Genetic & Chemotherapy counseling - I am meeting with the oncology PA on Thursday.  She will discuss & teach me all about the implications of genetic testing AND explain all about my chemotherapy plan.
          - Referral to Breast Cancer Center - said he will refer me to an oncologist in Seattle (preferably) or Portland that specializes in breast cancer for a 2nd opinion.  He said this is good not only for the obvious reason, but also I could be in a clinical trial if I wanted.  I think it is good to get a 2nd opinion, BUT I do not want to travel for all my appointments/treatments.  That is too crazy.  Portland is an hour away and Seattle is 2 hours away when there is NO traffic.  This particular oncologist is in my local hospital that is 15 minutes from my home....much better for me.

Once all the testing is done & the results are in I can start chemotherapy.  He said we will start either the week before Thanksgiving or the week of Thanksgiving.  He wants me also to be able to heal more from the mastectomy and get my strength back before starting.  We are STILL waiting for the HER-2 results.  We can't pick a chemo plan until these results are in, but he did explain my options either way.
If I am HER-2 positive:
One Option: TCH:   It is made up of three drugs:

• docetaxel (doe-se-TAX-el) or Taxotere® (TAX-o-teer)
• carboplatin (KAR-boe-pla-tin) or Paraplatin® (pair-a-PLA-tin)
• trastuzumab (tras-TOO-ze-mab) or Herceptin® (her-SEP-tin)

Docetaxel and carboplatin prevent cancer cells from dividing and growing, and can eventually cause the cancer cells to shrink and die. Trastuzumab is a new type of drug, called a monoclonal antibody, which targets cancer cells more precisely than chemotherapy drugs.
 I would take all three drugs every 3 weeks for 6 cycles = 18 weeks.  I would then continue on the Herceptin for a year.....yikes
OR
Another Option: AC + followed by Herceptin - this one has a slightly higher risk for heart failure than TCH so I am probably going to pick TCH unless convinced otherwise.  This one would be every 2 weeks for 4 cycles = 8 weeks, plus H for another year.

If I am HER-2 negative:
One Option: TAC:It is made up of three chemotherapy drugs:

• docetaxel (doe-see-TAX-el) or Taxotere® (TAX-o-teer).
• doxorubicin (dox-oh-ROO-bi-sin) or Adriamycin® (a-dree-a-MY-sin)
• cyclophosphamide (sye-kloe-FOSS-fa-mide) or Cytoxan® (sye-TOX-an)

This treatment would be every three weeks for 6 cycles. This one is harsher than the next option.  You have a 4/1000 chance of developing leukemia later.  He does not use this plan anymore, but his partner does.

OR

Another Option: AC:  this is the same as the first option expect you have only 2 drugs (you drop the Taxotere).  He likes this one better. This one would be every 2 weeks for 4 cycles. There is a 1/1000 chance of developing leukemia later.

****DISCLAIMER:  I did my best to take notes....I think I got the info correct.....could have made a mistake.  

During chemotherapy he might stop me from taking my Gleevec (this is the drug I take daily to keep my other cancer from returning).  Gleevec lowers white cell count so my blood count is already low- chemo makes it even lower.  If I keep taking it this could cause treatment delays.  It also puts me a greater risk for infection.  

After Chemotherapy we will discuss radiation.  He says this is very controversial and I will need to get at least 2 opinions, take all the information, and then decide what is best for me.

After chemotherapy I will also start hormone therapy.

We discussed and went over much more at the appointment, but this is the main gist of it all. My oncologist is very straight forward and honest.  He has a very open policy....he called the radiologist and discussed some of my tests on speaker phone in front of me - I really liked that.  He was sympathetic to my plight and just couldn't believe I was on cancer #2. He seemed like he really wanted to research and figure me out.  He claims to be opinionated and pushy (hmmm I think I can relate to that).  I liked him, I think my husband didn't.  But, my hubby said it is my decision and he will support me in whatever I decide (lucky girl). 

I was pretty overwhelmed after this appointment.  I will be happier when all these tests are complete and I know the results - good or bad.  The unknown is the WORST.  The chemotherapy or losing my boobs doesn't scare me too much, but having metastatic cancer does scare me. I have two little kids & a hubby that need me and I need them. I really hope it has not spread beyond the lymph nodes.  There is no cure for metastatic cancer.   

So keep the prayers and good vibes coming.  I truly am uplifted by every gesture of compassion whether small or large.  Don't be afraid to talk to me.  I like discussing how I am doing, even when it is not going well.  It is therapeutic.  I need friends and family like I have never needed them before.  It is o.k. to cry in front of me....this does not depress me, it makes me feel loved.  It is also o.k. to make jokes and laugh about things too.....I could always use a good laugh. 

I am going to keep trying to stay positive and happy.  I am feeling better.  I get more energy each day.  Life is still great.  

You just gotta keep on livin', man. L-I-V-I-N.

peace out my friends - 

The One Boob Wonder

(working on stopping my killer boobs :)