Is This the Last Time?

Today's blog post might be short even though I have a lot to say.  I am exhausted.  I only got a couple hours of sleep the night before and I have had a busy day today (well busy for my failing body).

I have being thinking a lot lately about how I am doing some things for the very last time.  For example, I most likely celebrated Berkeley's birthday with him for the very last time.  That this is probably my last summer on earth.

Today it really struck me big time at Carlie's orchestra concert.   Carlie is entering the 6th grade this fall.  She started orchestra this past year in the 5th grade.  I have been amazed at how quickly she has picked this skill up and I really feel that she has found one of her great talents and passions for her life.  I brings me such joy to watch the joy it brings her to play.   Probably one of the neatest things for her is when she is upset or stressed out she will go to her room and play and play until she feels better.  What a wonderful way to be able to manage stress in life.  She also is amazing at memorizing the songs.  Another super amazing thing is she is never afraid to try out for a solo.  This girl has no fear in her violin stylings :)

Anyways the first two weeks after school got out she attended a Orchestra Camp held by the school district.  Her teachers for the camps were her old teacher and her teacher for next year.  Her teacher for next year is super talented and super cute.  Those girlies are going to be so in love with him.  I was so impressed with all they learned in a two week period.  They play all the classic type strings songs, but they also play really cool rock music, etc.  The teacher broke out his drums and they played a Cold Play song and it sounded fabulous.  I am so excited for her and this opportunity.  SO MUCH FUN.  I need to get her going on private lessons ASAP.

Here is her "impromptu solo".  I was so proud.

So back to what really struck me.  This might be the very last concert I get to see my baby girl perform in.  I was watching the concert, videoing, and taking pictures, grinning ear to ear as I listened to her solo (of course she was a soloist) and the main thing I found myself having to do is keep from crying.  If anyone was watching my face they probably thought I belonging in an insane asylum.  I got glimpses of her all grown up in high school in advanced orchestras, kicking some butt.
Sao I have this problem (I guess it is a problem) that everything thing we do and say I am going to be thinking that this could be my last time I am with my kids on the first day of school OR even was last year the last time.
I am not ready to give up all the aspects of being with my kids as they grow up.  At least with Carlie I am started to see her discover her talents and see some possible directions for her.  The heartbreaking thing is Berkeley is only 8.  I have no idea where he is going.  He is just an adorable, difficult, little tornado, bursting with energy.  He needs me to help channel this energy into positive directions.
My kiddos are my life.  I can't imagine not being around, but I am going to have to come to terms with it.  Not sure how, but I will be forced into it one way or another.

Peace out!
Gina the Awesome