Long Time No Post

   So I know that Blogger and Blogging is kinda out of date and old-fashioned, but this old dog doesn't want to learn new tricks.....so here we go!
  The last two times I was diagnosed with cancer I was really good at blogging about it and letting all my friends and family know the details of what I was going through physically and emotionally.   I was told countless times how much people enjoyed and appreciated this.  I enjoyed doing it.  It allowed me a medium to really process and organize my thoughts and feelings.
Here we are on my third cancer diagnosis and I have not blogged one single word.  I have been pretty good at posting on Instagram(gjawesome) and Facebook(Gina Jolley Aldridge), but those places really only allow me to scratch the surface of what is going on.  I have not even posted on my blog since March of 2014 - wow!

   We moved to Missoula, Montana (dream town) last February 2015.  I was pretty much done with cancer treatment (except my daily estrogen hormone treatment - no big deal AND I still needed my nipple construction surgery on my right right breast)  WARNING:  I talk about boobs like they are no biggie....so deal with it.  But, as far as I was concerned I was done with cancer.  The hard part was over.  I was a survivor.
 I got a new local oncologist for a regular check-up in March 2015.  At the end of the appointment I mentioned to her that I had a small, very irregular pain in my upper abdomen on the right side (right where the liver is located).  I had just had a scan of that area in December 2014 and was scheduled to get another scan in December 2015.  She told me that if I wanted we could move the scan up, but I thought it was just because I was being more active and had strained something.  She told me to call anytime if I thought the pain was getting worse.  So I pretty much forgot about it......then a few months later I noticed it was more painful and happening more often...but I decided I was being a hypochondriac (cancer survivors can feel me here - you seem to notice all aches and pains and over analyze them) and tried to ignore it.  Summer 2015 starting in August it got even worse and I decided that I was probably dying from liver cancer.  So when I got home from my vacation at the end of August I decided to trust my instinct/promptings and called my doctor to move up my scans.

OH MAN I AM GLAD I CALLED MY DOCTOR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 I never used to get nervous before a scan or surgery.  I always knew everything would work out.  Crazy thing is this time I was totally scared and had completely freaked myself out and was convinced I had liver cancer.  Looking back is crazy to see how tune I was with my body.
I had almost 7 glorious months in Missoula leading an active and healthy lifestyle.  Things were going SUPER!......and then the bomb "literally" (say it in a Rob Lowe voice from Parks and Rec please) dropped.  If you don't watch Parks and Recreation I am not sure we can be friends :)

******  I hope this blogging about the past with a little bit of the current isn't too confusing for you all.  It sure is confusing me.  But, that might have to do with the fact I have an insane amount of fentanyl, oxycodone, benadryl, prednisone, and valium in my body.  Many I sound like such a druggy.

    I just decided to look back at my past Facebook posts so I don't mess up some of the dates and facts too much.  I am glad I did.  Here is the first time I talk about my results,

"So I got some really bad news yesterday. My scans did not look good at all. They found spots on my pelvis (there was one that was really big), spine, sacral joints, and femur. Basically all over my bones. My oncologist said it is most likely metastatic breast cancer, but they can't know for sure until we do a biopsy. So I have a PET scan on Tuesday. This will be of my whole body and will give more fine detail so the doctors can determine the best and least invasive place to do a biopsy. I then will meet with my oncologist (whom I love already) next Thursday to go over the results and schedule the biopsy. So I am in limbo until next Thursday. I was hoping for clear scans so I could say I am 3 years cancer free, but I knew in my heart that there was something wrong. I am so glad I trusted myself and moved up my regular scan a few months. My last scan was last December and it was clear. So my lemon of a body has been busy since then. So here it begins again...I am back on the cancer road for the 3rd time. If it is what the doctor thinks it is I am not ever getting off that road. So please pray that I will have the strength to deal with this most unfortunate news. I am still in a state of shock & a little angry....well maybe more than a little"  """":(

   My world was destroyed.....completely turned upside down.  How do you deal with the news that you are most likely dying and have an 7 and 10 and 41 year old that need you and that you need and love desperately?  Well, that has what I have been trying to figure out and failing out for the past 9 months.  I hope to get into that some more with my posts.......but I am to0  tired to deal with that right now........looking back at my old Facebook posts produced too many tears.

So for now, peace out my peeps

Cancer can Kiss my A**someness